


How I wish to remain by your side

by strkville



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentioned Miya Osamu, Not Beta Read, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:15:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strkville/pseuds/strkville
Summary: As the autumn leaves fall, shoyo's condition worsen. But all atsumu wanted was to keep holding onto him.song fic of a chinese song i love called "多想留在你身边" / "How i wish to remain by your side"
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14
Collections: 5iits collection, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	How I wish to remain by your side

**Author's Note:**

> day 4 of haikyuu angst week: "illness/death"

没有花瓣的季节 , 剩下落叶的秋天 (meiyou huaban de jijie , sheng xia luoye de qiutian )

I remember how dull the room looked as you laid on the bed with sunken cheeks and pale lips. We watched as the autumn leaves fall, getting ready for winter's harsh snow fall. I remember the autumn a year before, it was vastly different from this. The sky had turned into a gradient of red, orange, pink and purple and you looked absolutely stunning in it. 

那张枯黄的脸 印着时光变迁 (na zhang kuhuang de lian, yinzhi dui shiguang bianqian )

I remember how your bright orange hair had flow so gracefully as you ran bare footed along the beach. The weather had been chilly but the sight of you running happily as if nothing had gone wrong had given me a sense of warmth which made me fear for the future. I didn't expect for the next autumn to be spent in your hospital room, I really wish we had more time.

真的好久不见 头发多了些银线 (zhen de haojui bujian , toufa duole xie yin xian )

多年时间奔波 忽略了太多太多 (duonian shijian benbo , hulüele tai duo tai duo )

I remember how you nagged at me on the phone to picked up those new taro bubble tea you absolutely wanted to try after work. But I had completely forgotten about it and gave some stupid excuse of it being sold out. You never got to try it, after all how can you? You're on the verge of death. 

你对我的思念 我却没有发觉 (ni dui wo di sinian , wo qui meiyou fajue )

每次你在电话那边唠叨 (mei ci ni zai dianhua na bian lao dao)

我却借口挂断 (wo qui jiekou gua duan)

I remember how I begged for the gods to extend your time on earth. We were doing our yearly new year shrine visit and I desperately wished for the doctors to find a cure. I wanted to stay by your side for more autumns days and nights. I wanted to see more of your flushed faces after I complimented you or the old grandma at the market calling you cute. Why was the world so harsh? You were on 23, I can't lose you.

如果能够留在你身边 (ruguo nengou lui zai ni shenbian)

伴你日日夜夜 (ban ni ri ri ye ye)

看看爱我的 那个人的容颜 (kan kan ai wo di nage ren de rongyan)

I remember how I picked up the broken pieces of a picture frame in our apartment after a fight. It held a photo of me and Osamu, who had sadly passed on after a car crash alongside my mother who had joined my brother up in heaven. You had long left the apartment after the fight, presumably to find your friends and rant to them about how shitty of a boyfriend I'm being. I simply wanted to stay by your side, why is it so hard?

如果能够留在你身边 (ruguo nengou lui zai ni shenbian)

重拾爱的碎片 (chong shi ai de suipian)

填补在 岁月的章节 (tianbu zai suiye de zhangjie)

At the end of that autumn, I sat by your side as you grow paler and weaker, not even able to sit up. I missed your vibrant energy and how your smile had the ability to make everyone's day. Why didn't the gods grant me my wish? Was I too cruel to you that they thought it was better for you to pass on? That I didn't deserve you anymore? I want to keep holding on to whatever love we still had, even if it's in sherds. I didn't want it to fall out my grasp like autumn leaves. 

没有花瓣的季节剩下落叶的秋天 

那张枯黄的脸 印着时光变迁

A song had played, a chinese song that you had loved after a visit to Shanghai with your sister, was played at your funeral. I wondered then if I should even be there. Your mother had reassured me but that you still loved me, even till your last breath. But I wanted to here you say it, those 3 words yourselves before you went on. Did you want me there? I didn't know. 

真的好久不见 头发多了些银线

多年时间奔波 忽略了太多太多

I wanted to walk by your side, to hold you close. I didn't want to lose you, like I had lost everyone. You were the only one alive who truly understood me at my lowest, when Osamu died, when my mother died. You never once lost your cool when I refused to leave the room but instead held an impromptu movie night. So why did i? Why did I lose you? Was my love not enough for you to keep on living? 

如果能够留在你身边

伴你日日夜夜

看看爱我的 那个人的容颜

As had held onto the last remnants of our time together, our love, was a photograph from our college day. It was the day we first met and I felt like I had found my other half, my soulmate. That day, I wanted to hold on to your soul with a grip that no one, not even the gods can take you away from me. So why? Why was I the only one in our shared apartment with your scent, your presence gone? 

如果能够留在你身边

重拾爱的碎片

填补在 岁月的章节

I still had many things to do with you. I wanted to go and travel the world with you. I wanted to go to Shibuya's Halloween event with you. I wanted to do so many more things with you. I even wanted to get down on one knee and propose to you. And to wear a nice suit and stand at the alter with you. 

But here I am, sitting by your grave with a fresh bouquet of red roses, a symbol of my love to you. As I sing the song that played at your funeral, "多想留在你身边". I had learned the song after that day as I wished to sing it to you on your death day every year.

I hope that you could hear it from upstairs. Maybe if you wait, I could join you there and sing it to your face. I doubt you'll be happy to see me but I'll have hope. Even if I lost you, I won't lose this newfound hope. Maybe I can speed up the process by downing a bottle of pills or jumping infront of a car. 

I don't know if you'll be happy if I did that but those weeks after losing you was slowly eating me away. I was alone all again. You were the only one I could rely on for comfort. 

So, wait for me Shoyo, I'll be there soon.

Funny how its autumn.

**Author's Note:**

> english translation //
> 
> 没有花瓣的季节  
> 剩下落叶的秋天  
> 那张枯黄的脸  
> 印着时光变迁
> 
> Season without petals  
> Autumn with fallen leaves  
> That yellow face  
> Imprinted with the changes of time
> 
> 真的好久不见  
> 头发多了些银线  
> 多年时间奔波  
> 忽略了太多太多
> 
> Really long time no see  
> There's more gray line on your hair  
> Years of running around  
> Much ignorance
> 
> 你对我的思念  
> 我却没有发觉  
> 每次你在电话那边唠叨  
> 我却借口挂断
> 
> How you miss me  
> I didn't notice  
> Every time you nag on the phone  
> I hang up with an excuse
> 
> 如果能够留在你身边  
> 伴你日日夜夜  
> 看看爱我的那个人的容颜
> 
> If I can stay with you  
> With you day and night  
> Look at the face of the person who loves me
> 
> 如果能够留在你身边  
> 重拾爱的碎片  
> 填补在 岁月的章节
> 
> If I can stay with you  
> Regain the pieces of love  
> Fill in the chapters in the years


End file.
